Love.
"noun-any object of warm affection or devotion." As defined by my dictionary app.
What a way to define something so diverse.... In today's society using the term "love" is quite common. We use it casually in our every day lives to explain how we feel about something or someone. The English language only has one word to describe an infinite amount of definitions for love. It could be why we as an American society lack in communication and tolerance. But let's be honest, politics are by FAR my forte.
I have many loves in my life. I could easily take a big chunk of those infinite definitions just for me. Love is the most natural feeling I have ever had. Since I knew what feelings were, I "loved" this and "loved" that. I loved observing. I to this day, love to the ends of all spectrums and back again. It seeps out of my pores in every possible, tangible way. I love people in particular. As soon as I meet someone new, I can tell you at least a dozen traits I just "love" about them. For instance, a few current loves in my life. 
This furball truly is a gem. She's stubborn and lovely. Loyal as all canine go and just goes with the flow of my chaotic lifestyle. Bless her.
Obligatory coffee shot. If you've met me and this surprises you, I didn't actually talk to you.
These people. They make me better and don't bat an eye when I am hard to love. Especially when I'm the grumpy old troll who lives under their stairs. (Dora the Explorer anyone?)
So comes all those on the receiving end of such an abundance of feelings. They were and are always very gracious. In a way, love was/is a crutch for me. A default. I could coast through life loving and no one would know any different. Recently, and by recent I'll say the last 6-8 months, I have realized what it is like to struggle to love someone. It was as if I was fighting my instincts. I could not put into words, or even rational thoughts, the weight and strain on my heart as I struggled with a relationship so dear to me.
My church had a guest preacher last weekend from one of our church plants in England. So not only were we blessed with such wisdom and grace(I'm pretty sure I became a Christian all over again), we heard it all in a delightful, British accent! It's the little things. More importantly, he spoke of how to be better lovers and just how important and deep the love of Jesus goes. We as people need to be better lovers because we are loved by the One who gives it in the truest form of its definition. This caused me to really look at the love I so freely give in my life. The many levels of love I carry have yet to run dry, so why was there still so much weight on my heart when it came to this particular relationship? Through some late night discussions with some from my missional community, I was pushed to truly look at my heart and see not if I COULD love(because obviously that wasn't a problem) but HOW I was loving. And I was on autopilot. Give here, love there, respond to that person, forgive this one, and on and on I went. What a selfless lover I am, right? How easy we fall short to even our greatest blessings bestowed on us. I had fallen into habit and was falling short to the very person I had loved so dearly and was hurt by. Ah but with such a realization comes a load of pride. So. Much. Pride. And thank you to those who on that late night caused me to realize it. Truly. So as difficult as it was, I gave up that pride and took one step(a very small one) towards being a better lover to the person I was struggling so hard to love. It was so hard, people.
Another humbling life lesson for the books and one more thing to add the list of daily battles to be fought. For my fellow lovers out there, my sister sent me this quote that, phew! cut to the core but produced such encouragement. So please continue to mend not just others, but yourself with them.
Cheers!
. 