I know/I feel

Oof. This one hurts just talking about.

How many times have you said the following? "I know....but I feel..." I feel like the last few fights I have been in, ended in me saying, 'I know the following to be true but I just feel like...' It is amazing to me how the brain can comprehend such rational thoughts while simultaneously feeling the most irrational emotions. I talk myself off that ledge multiple times a day. I constantly was told as a child that I had too many feelings and would always 'make mountains out of molehills.' Which is a hilarious saying that no one says anymore, except it did a lot of damage to my big little girl heart. I felt like me having all these feelings was a negative thing and no one ever told me how to fix it, they just told me I had them and it was too much. Like anything else, you hear the same thing enough, it becomes a part of your identity. For many years, I lived in the falsehood of being too much and having too many feelings. As I came out of that, I remember the intention I would use when talking. "I KNOW that this is the logical reason but I am FEELing like this to be true." I somehow felt like if I was able to show people I knew the difference between cognitive thought and reckless emotions, that it would somehow make them thing I was more of a manageable human. What came from it was a really great way to communicate all my feelings. Disperse them into boxes and help me separate out what was a reactive emotion versus a hurtful one. This language allowed me to sit down and have some of the hardest conversations of my life thus far. Ones that came with both words and emotions. Ones that led to healing, more hurt and emotions that just needed to be felt. When we find a voice for our emotions, we become damn near unstoppable. I turned that tap on full blast and became a little too good at it for a few years there. I was just all out there, all the time. It was where I needed to be at the time, but any of you reading this who were by my side during that season know 'abrasive' barely begins to cover it.

As a child, we are taught to speak but never really taught how to feel. A child throws a temper tantrum because they don't have the words to explain their feelings. And 7/10 times they end up getting in trouble for it. So we send them to time out. For their feelings. Until they can gather the few words they do have to explain why they acted in such a way. We don't teach our children the other language of being a human. Once they can talk, we throw vocabulary words at them, but never show them how to use those to speak. Or give them space to speak them. What if we taught a child the word 'anger' as one of their first words? And they knew to call that emotion what it is as soon as it arises. And then we teach them 'happy' as we tickle away the anger? They are much more resilient as wee ones than us jaded adults.

I guess what I am saying is take what you 'know' and start talking about what you 'feel.' Your feelings are real. All of them. The good ones, the bad ones, the really really hard ones. Our ugliest feels are those with the tightest grip. If we can find words for them, they lose all their power. It is part of the lies we were taught. Words are hard. It takes practice. When you say them wrong, don't get stuck on what was wrong, find the right way to say it. You can't change what comes out, but you can correct it. How many times do writers edit their papers to form the perfect sentences? I think that is why I am such a huge advocate for grace upon grace(yes, its my name). We mess it up. Every day. In what we say, in what we do, in how we feel, in the narrative we tell ourselves. But we get another try. To practice once more at trying to 'know' what we 'feel'. I know I don't have it all figured out yet..trust me. I am still pretty terrible at it most days..ask my H.O.H(official term for my boyfriend in all future posts.). He above anyone else knows just how wrapped up I can get in the know vs feel debacle. And I am incredibly lucky to have found someone who doesn't just quit on me when I get it wrong. On days where there is no words and only feels, I recommend the full fetal position with City and Colour on in the back round. Some days that is the only way.

Cheers Favorites, you are doing just fine. As am I.

Quitting The Pursuit of Happiness

Dear Favorite Things, its been awhile.
I stopped writing. Or at least I thought I had until I hopped back on here and saw how many drafts I started and never finished. I think I lost my voice among the internet's rage. Everyone posts their thoughts, opinions and feelings on every forum possible. Everyone screaming to be heard.  It made me feel like I should quiet my own thoughts. But, I am going to try and find that voice again. I have a piece about self love brewing... We'll see how that one translates on a keyboard. In the meantime...I found this one I wrote sometime last year. It still echoes in my heart. Every word. Cheers!

:: Most of my life has been spent searching for the next thing. I would go through my days and tell myself if I can just make it to the next phase, then I will be happy. Or then I will be able to shake that feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach. Honestly, it started way back even before high school. I remember thinking if I could just get to the next year or the next sports season. Always looking forward, hoping for something different. Searching for that moment it all clicked and I found happiness. Its the goal right? The pursuit of happiness. I was in the frame of mind that if I could just find a way to be happy, life would be simpler. What did I think would make me happy? For awhile it was if I just found a great guy, it d all work out and I would begin my life. Then it was, no guy but a great job, would accomplish what heartbreak did not. Nope. Money didn't make me happy either. What about comfort? Being around family and friends would have to give me what the world could not. Still nope. So I came to Omaha, Nebraska. Originally it was suppose to be for 6 months. I had a job lined up in Ireland in the fall of 2014. Surely traveling as a nanny was it. That was my purpose and where it was all going to fall into place. Could it get better than that?!! When that fell through, I was disappointing but I found the most ideal nanny family in Omaha. All aboard the train straight to the happiness station! The job was everything I could want but still...happiness just wouldn't stay but for a fleeting moment. Where else could I find it then? Lets try the great guy option. Maybe last time it was just the wrong place, wrong time. Nope. Still no happiness to be found. Am I doing it wrong? Is my pursuit somehow flawed? Why haven't I found it yet? Why do I have to wait so much longer than the others? "If only I was.... If I could only do.... If I hadn't done..." Doubts and insecurities flooded my heart as I kept pursuing my goals. If I can just get to the next phase, maybe it ll happen. As soon as I would realize happiness wasn't to be found in a particular stage, I was already on to the next, searching.

The reality of this life of pursuit started to sink in. I didn't even know who or what I was anymore.. So lost in the fix it all and suggestions others had for me to correct my discontent. "Put yourself out there... Finally lose the weight and just wait to see who comes back to you... Just let go and let God. If you believe, He'll bless you... You do you... It all happens when you least expect it...You need to just detach yourself from people... Have you tried exercise? Endorphins make you happy!..Stop being such a people pleaser... It is so much harder on you since you don't have someone to lean on... Just get out of your head and do it... You overthink too much... Have you thought about seeing a therapist?.. You look so much thinner, are you finally happy?.."
Soon, I realized I was never going to "find happiness." Happiness, like anger or hunger or sadness or frustration, is an emotion. It comes and goes with the day of ups and downs. So this being true, what then was I searching so hard to find? What was my heart aching to be filled with? As I began to dig through my life, I found residue of broken hearts, wavering confidence, deep rooted layers of unworthiness and emotional disconnect. I kept digging and at the very bottom, I found myself. Sitting there patiently, waiting to be found. I saw, among the chaos of my life's baggage and choices, a version of myself I had always dreamt of. One that stood with her head held high, wielding her shield, ready to fight whatever came her way.
I decided to quit pursuing happiness. To be honest though, I do feel happy most days. Like today for instance. I had a few moments that were so high, a friend even said my eyes were sparkling. The warrior inside of me had full rays of sunshine to bask in. Then as quickly as the light pierced those dark corners, it faded. Moments later, I felt a weight on my chest and could feel a battle start to rumble. In years past, that would have led me to panic and find a fix all for the sudden shift and wave of unhappiness. This time, I just knew it was another battle in the war of life. My battles are mostly silent. They rage on inside me every single day without mercy. Some days are more brutal than others, but in the end, I still get to the end of the day in one piece. And that is empowering. To conquer a single 24 hour period is a victory. Upon realizing the reasons behind my pursuit of happiness, I began to look around me and see so many other warriors fighting similar battles. Its isolating...fighting the way we do. Our insecurities raising havoc in our hearts and telling us we aren't worthy of anyone's ear or time. This helped me realize how common struggles are. The pendulum had once again found its balance for me, but I know there are some still struggling. To be seen. To be heard and even to be found.::

Never stop pursuing, Friends!

Tolerable

"And so I now have this irrational fear that I won't be enough because I learned how to bury the majority of myself to be tolerable."

   As my fingers rapidly hit 'send' and reread the above statement, I began to cry. My tears fell for all those moments flashing in my head where people told me I was too much. To stop being so dramatic. To not have so many feelings. That my personality was a blessing and a curse. That the best parts about me were also the reasons they didn't want to spend time with me anymore. Its stinging reality came with a wave of relief though. That message was sent to my boyfriend, who God bless him, somehow keeps telling me I'm not too much. That my low points are valid and normal to my life experiences. 

   As I stepped away from my life of secrets and silence, I learned to avoid certain triggers and habits that allow me to live a pretty balanced life. This week... I have been terrible at avoiding them. Its almost as if I embraced them. So now here I find myself, writing this blog on 4 hours of sleep the past 48 hours. However, here we are. And I have thoughts.. and many feelings. 

    I can honestly say...I don't think my life has ever been so full and happy. I truly mean that. I am in an amazing life season and am so incredibly blessed to be surrounded and loved by some of the best people. That being said, I found myself quite sad today. Sad for how quickly life changed to get to this full and happy place. For how many relationships I lost all at once earlier this year. For the habits and changes I made. For the selective ways I now avoid areas of life so I don't end up on my bedroom floor in a panic again. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to have these issues with anxiety. I don't want to feel like a flakey friend all the time. I don't want to tell someone "its okay" when I am screaming at the top of my lungs on the inside that it is not. That I get so freaking angry and hurt sometimes. But feel as if I can't go and tell that person because it will come back to me reacting to all my feelings. So how can I find the balance? How do I confront conflict without inflicting myself as a victim to my circumstances? 

   This is what I know. In the happiest days of my life, there is still brokenness. For every mountain I conquer, I have 12 more to climb. For every bad day, there is a new one coming. For every great day, there are still bruises. This life is messy. And real. And it is mine. So screaming from the top of my little inner voice mountain, "I am scared. I am too much. I am tolerated. But I am also fearlessly confident in knowing I am enough. I am loved. And I am sought after. 

   Lord, give me courage in my days of being disheartened. Don't let my heart harden in the process of healing. Fill my scars with love and not malice. Remind me even you wept for the world's brokenness. Equip me with the balance needed to fulfill my daily requirements on this earth. Never let me stray from knowing you want only good for me. And that I was chosen to live this life. 

What It Takes

I wrote out a long 3 paragraph blog about difficult long term relationships and how life is a never ending maze of confusion. The following quote were my final thoughts. And honestly, all that should have been said.

"So even though, my world was in momentary chaos, I realized I am okay. And so are you. Even when we re at the bottom of it all, messy and covered in life's decisions."

We are put on this world for a lifetime because we have time to live. And living mine is a joy I take for granted entirely too often.

Fight or Flight

So I have come to a giant, humbling conclusion lately . I am really terrible at relationships.

I have officially been in Omaha for over 4 years now. (HOOOOOW did that happen?!) This means I have been in one place for the longest period of time since high school. How cool is that?! Cool and real scary. Really. Freaking. Scary. I found that living life with people face to face is tough. I haven't had any relationships face to face and day to day in almost a decade. I would live a year maybe two with people then move. I still keep in touch with those people, but they would exit from my every day. So here I was living my life with a series of really great relationships that were all long distance. I was a great long distance friend. I could hop on a computer or phone and text and Skype and Facebook the crap out of any of you. But live every day life? I am doing it so poorly. I am remarkably insecure. The confidence I once knew gets shredded down to bits and pieces because all of a sudden, my very broken self is under the light of every day, tangible life. I feel myself pulling backwards and inward. My constant inner voice asking "What if? What if you aren't enough, Grace? What if they get tired of you and don't want to live life with you after 4 years, let alone a whole lifetime?" The clear answer is that all those thoughts are garbage. And I know that they are..maybe.. some days. Some days I can only get out of my head long enough to function. I keep wondering why I am so tired all the time and how one can go from being an extrovert to an introvert so quickly. I wasn't really changing as much as just being a human.*gasp* Whaaaaaat?  Excuse me while I climb down from my stool where I stood thinking I was so different than all others. I, Grace, am a basic human with basic human struggles. My crazy is just as crazy as the next persons. They struggle just like I do. My frantic and extreme meltdowns don't feel so big anymore. I was told often as a little girl that I was over dramatic. Granted, I was very expressive of my feelings and emotions, but I took that little label and created a billboard with it. I made it my identity. Grace, the drama queen. Grace, the girl with too many feelings. Grace, the meltdown haver.

You guys.... I'm a normal freaking human being. I'm not too much. For this life or anyone in it.

So now that we have established my average human status, lets also point out, I am an individual. I do love so deeply and feel everything. I do get super loud when I am excited or surprised. I do snort when I laugh. I fail every single day along side continuing to succeed. And I am really bad at relationships. They scare me more than I ever thought they did. Emotional vulnerability and exposure are sometimes paralyzing. I had a panic attack a couple weeks ago.. It was a bizarre. I have never experienced one like that before. I have days where I spiral, but I can normally talk myself out of them or am able to just sleep off the insecurities. That day was a perfect storm. I tried over and over to pull myself out of the loud and dark doubts echoing in my mind but I just couldn't do it. After about an hour of it steadily getting worse, I found myself sitting on my bedroom floor, arms wrapped around myself and not able to take a deep breathe. Somehow I managed to text my little brother, asking him to come over. I was in a worse place by the time he was able to get there. Through some coaxing, he was able to steady my breathing and get me to string enough words together to tell him what was going on in my head. And I said a lot. I think I scared him as much as I was scared. I showed him the version of self loathing and hate that I fight nearly every day. And it sucked. I felt legit ashamed for days afterward. I let myself get into such a position not asking for help that I had to put him in a terrible situation in order for him to help. But he showed up.. just like he has every other time. And I figure couldn't figure out why. Except now. He loves me. For every normal, up and down feeling I have every day. For every doubt, fear and insecurity that makes me into his big sister, he loves me for it. Yet I let myself forget the why nearly every day. It is terrible! I'd like to stop forgetting. I want to learn to love being normal. If you're reading this and are one who gets to live our normal lives day to day together, help. Please help me to not forget to love being loved. It is so hard but it is what I want the most. I want to stop shutting out those who love me SO well and just let them.

Last summer was the deciding moment for me. I was just past year 3 and starting to feel my heart lace up her running shoes. I had a great conversation with a friend recently about the moment you decide to fight or flight. I knew I didn't want to run, but wasn't sure I was strong enough to face my insecurities and fears. Then one day, I remember driving by a favorite spot in Omaha and knowing I wanted to fight. I wanted to fight for this city, for this life I have built here and for those I loved so dearly. I wanted to fight for them and with them. I wanted to fight through all my crap and I wanted to come out on the other side. So here I am.. Year 4 and knocked on my ass. With a little pep talk and wiping of the tears, I am back on my feet. So come at me with your best shot, I'm not going anywhere.

The Open

  It would be fair to say if you stuck 10 people in a room at random, 3 of those 10 would know what I was referring to when I said the words, "The Open." 

If you were one of the other 7, let me tell you about this new "fitness fad" called Crossfit. Oh, you've already heard of it? Right, of course. People love to talk about it. Others get tired of hearing about it or are annoyed of the cult following it has. I cannot be impartial to either because here I am about to get on my box and rave about it. 

 My first introduction to Crossfit was when I watched my brother in law do The Open back in 2012. He was doing a workout and caught a squat clean on his knee, snapping his forearm the Tuesday before The Open began. It was horrifying. Nevertheless, he got a hard cast and the next week, he was back at it. So I watched again in agony as he killed himself doing bar over burpees one handed because of his cast. I remember thinking, "Why? Just stop. Please.. this is so dumb. I don't care enough about fitness to do that to myself. Crossfit is stupid. And so hardcore." The reality is I respected his dedication. But I didn't get it. The next year, he and my sister opened their own crossfit gym in Kansas. I was so happy for them but still couldn't understand all the crazy and weird stuff they talked about. My brother in law mentioned a book with "Supple Leopard.." in it and I was out. I was so proud of them both and the risks they took to launch their business. A year after they opened, my sister and one of my older brothers pitched in and bought me on ramp classes for my birthday at a gym here in Omaha. I was super annoyed. I wasn't going to freaking do Crossfit. I'm not an athlete and I will never look like those chicks on all of the promos about crossfit. "You've got to be kidding me" was all I was thinking. My sister kept telling me to just go and try it. The classes were already paid for. 

So I went. I went once a week for 5 weeks and learned about proper form and how to stay safe in movements and during WODS. (I also remember a distinct moment of rolling my eyes and saying, wtf is a WOD?) I survived the on ramp classes and didn't totally hate it because it wasn't long distance running. Still not enough to make me join so I said thanks and went on my way. Months down the road my now lovely roommate told me she crossfitted at a gym not too far from our neighborhood. I was in a place where I knew I needed to make some healthy changes because the the scale was on the rise again. As was my anxiety and depression. So I ignored my bank account screaming and paid my dues. We went to the early, 5 am class so I could get to work on time. It was terrible. I had never been so sore in my entire life. It hurt to sit down and pee. It hurt to reach up to the cupboard. I felt soreness in muscles I didn't even know existed. If I made it twice in one week, it was a miracle. I was so sore the day after a workout, I'd take the week to recover before going back. I time capped every workout and always felt so miserable and out of sorts. There was so much new terminology. The coaches always talked so fast and everyone seemed to know how to do it except me. Not wanting to look dumb or fall under scrutiny, I never took the time to ask questions or learn certain tricks. I mean.. it was 5am and no one wants to think that hard anyways. Meeting people was hard.. I was a social extrovert who was suffering from anxieties in other areas of life, so putting myself out there like a typical extrovert was painful. I felt so uncomfortable. Constantly. I seriously hated it. I couldn't do half of the movements required in workouts so why was I even there? So I showed up less and less and eventually stopped. I had a shame complex in giving up and owning my failure so I paid my membership out of guilt. Months later at the dog park, I ran into a couple I recognized from the 5am classes. The gal and I had done a couple workouts together as partners. I fondly remembered her cheering me on during wall balls once. We hit it off and swapped numbers, promising to grab a drink sometime. When we did, she told me of their plans to open their own gym starting that spring. Feeling a rush of admiration and nostalgia for my sister, I jumped in and said I would totally join when they opened. We became friends and I started to meet a few more of the people in the project. They were all young. No one over 27. They were so excited and spread those seeds into all who interacted with them. In the late summer of 2015, Climate Crossfit was open for operation. I had spent the summer running and doing a couple weird HIIT workouts here and there, trying to get ahead of the curve and ready myself to Crossfit again. Knowing people going into it put my anxieties at ease and I felt like I had a base knowledge to help keep me committed this time. Within the first couple months when I adjusted to being sore 80% of my life, I started to actually enjoy working out. I began to be fond of certain lifts and progressions. But most of all, I loved the people. I loved walking into a small space again and knowing most everyone in the room. During that season of life, I was dealing with some heavy baggage from my past. This began to surface and directly effect my workouts. The majority of "doing Crossfit" is mental. Those who can just shut their minds off and grind are typically your star boys and girls of this sport. I was surprised how often I would drag my baggage into the gym with me and how it effected my ability to perform well. With that came the next level of love I have for these people. It didn't go unnoticed so my coaches inquired about my life. That's not their job. They are there to teach you crossfit. That's it. However, I will bet you every cent in my bank account(it's not much, sorry) that you couldn't find a single crossfit box that is simply just a gym. People who own these gyms are special. They don't just show up and do their job. They pour their heart, time, tears, sanity and so so much more into every. Single. Day. And into every single person. 

It sounds silly but every time these coaches pushed me during workouts, believed in my abilities and pushed passed my mental game when I couldn't, it translated into my every day life. Because, friends.. life was real hard that year. When I was in my box gym, I would look at the board and see all the things I couldn't do. So I would tell myself, just keep moving. No matter what, just keep moving. I completed my first Veterans Day Murph in 61 minutes amidst thunder show and miserable conditions. That was the moment I knew I could "do" Crossfit. And love it. And hate it. And never give up on it. Or myself.
That first year was crazy. Movements and lifts just started clicking one day. I knew the lingo and how to properly scale workouts to my level. I slowly stopped time capping all of the workouts. I fought so many of my demons in that space. Ultimately, its you against you. You re the one who is going to have to move and get to the end. And so as I began to do the hard things in Crossfit, I saw that I could also do the hard things in my life. 

I did The Open for the first time last year. The crew was on me about it non stop and I was determined not to cave. Why give myself one more reason to fall short on something? But the week before it started, I sat in my car, cried and signed up. It seems silly.. why that was so emotional for me. It was as I said earlier, I was fighting for so much more in every workout than just a good cardio session. The Open was insanity. It was so fun and crazy. We did a ton as a community those 5 weeks. 16.5 was the final workout. It was a combination of thrusters and bar over burpees. I was in round 2 of like 5 and I hit a wall. Hard. My mind basically went "Nope." Oh, and there was no time cap. So there I was. My mental game in shambles, my safety crutch of time capping gone and it was just me against me. I remember my friend Patrick, who was judging me, saying, "You've got to move, Gracie. You have to do something." So I somehow did a few more burpees. Then a few more thrusters. At snail speed. I kept telling myself I didn't care. It wasn't worth my pride and that it was okay to quit. Then, as they finished, everyone came over to where I was and started cheering me on. I remember being on the ground, struggling to get out of a burpee, when my friend, LeAnn's face showed up and told me to stand up. Then jump. Then go down. And up. Jump over. She kept telling me every move to make and kept me going. Pretty soon I heard a buzz of people counting reps out for me, telling me to do "One for the Corps", one for them, one for peace. So after an excruciating 36ish minutes... I ended The 2016 Open as I started it. Crying. But this time the tears weren't of fear, but of pride. And exhaustion. I still don't know how I finished that stupid workout. I tease about how I blacked out and don't remember doing it, but I do. I remember every voice cheering me on and telling me I could do something I had mentally already decided I couldn't do. So when people tell you about Crossfit.. it's probably not because they want you to do some crazy fit of exercise. It's probably because they have had a similar moment. The moment you realize it is more. More of what, is for you to decide. But if anyone tells you they have only ever done crossfit for strictly the exercise, they re probably lying. What we as crossfitters want more than those rock hard abs and a good butt, is for our people to know they can do hard things. And not only survive them but thrive through them. 

I signed up again for The Open this year. I am recovering from some gnarly nerve damage in my sciatic nerve, so it seemed pointless at first. I can't do half the movements so why compete? Because all of a sudden, The Open isn't just for me, but for my community too. My only goal this year is to be in a place to cheer on someone and help them see the hard things they can do. Just like my people did for me last year. So if you haven't signed up.. please do. Even if you need to cry first. It really is worth it.

Cheers! 

Politics

So here's your cliche start to any good political rant "I'm not big into politics but..." Or "I never say anything about so and so but.." 

Here is my big 'ol fat 'BUT' for you... 

Donald Trump. Republican nominee for President of the United States of

America. Never have I ever had such a strong opinion about anyone in my life. 

As most any of you know, last week released the first of now many allegations  of Trumps sexual indiscretions both verbal and physical. That article. That clip. It struck a chord with me. I have learned a lot about myself in these 25 years on earth. One of them is this: I am very good at down playing deeply felt and highly reactive emotions I have towards something controversial. I am a people pleaser. I don't want to cause conflict if there isn't any and want everyone to find a happy balance. A grand optimist in all outcomes. So as it turns out, I had a very deep and highly reactive response to hearing Donald Trump say he "could do anything" and "grab them by the p****." Let me tell you just how deep those words hurt. As a woman, who has been "grabbed by the p****" and demoralized as to nothing more than a play thing, I am appalled. I am appalled that this is the IMAGE we are giving to our daughters and sons as someone who stands by what the Republican represents. This is the man who will not just "be in office 4 years til we come up with something better." This man will be sworn into the history of our country as a voice, a face and a mark maker for so many years to come. 

I posted the article about the leaked video of Trump's "locker room talk" with a plea to all my Facebook friends to not vote for him. Of course, it spiked many unwanted comments about voting and the "politics" of it. What I didn't expect was a text from a longtime friend. She said in light of my FB post, she felt it on her heart to tell me she was going to vote for Trump. I was taken aback but wasn't super surprised she was choosing the Republican Party. So fast forward a week later and here I lie in bed at 3 in the morning, unable to shake off why that text was bothering me so much. I ended up texting her back and explaining why I couldn't vote for Trump and why my plea was so adamant. But then after reading it, I started to cry. I was suddenly overcome by the helplessness of our broken world. We, as just people, are broken. We as an American society are broken. And it's not going to be fixed by a great president, or an agreeable Congress or religion or every day being free pie day.(although I support that.) We have to start in our homes. In our neighborhoods and in our children. Gone are the days without Internet and not having access to the world. We can't protect them and their innocence like our parents did with us. We can only educate them. Teach them the difference between words and actions and how both are harmful and have weight. Teach them respect and conviction to take a stand. Teach them to be passionate but to do no harm. Teach them to love. Because if nothing else, simply loving a broken person can change the trajectory of their life and all the lives they interact with. It is impossible for us as finite humans to change the heart of another person. But we can love them well. Despite all their crap. Sadly, all of that doesn't change the fact that we still have to vote on Nov.4th... So when it comes to that, I can't tell you what to do. 

So in conclusion to my political rant... Please love well. Be better. Because I truly believe in goodness. It's there. Let's dig deeper, my friends. 

Cheers!